Bagels are bread rolls with a hole, or pretzels with fewer holes, and are wonderful baked goods. Whether they are served with cream cheese and lox or hummus, there is probably nothing better than a fresh bagel. But did you know that bagels have a truly interesting history? From medieval German monasteries to Poland, and from the Jewish diaspora in New York and Montréal.

So in this talk, I'll be covering the important questions of our time: Where does the Bagel come from? Where do you get the best Bagels (Montréal or New York)? And how do all these doughnuts with rigor mortis differ? And of course, you'll learn how to bake a proper bagel.

Come by and learn more than you ever wanted to know about Bagels, after you hopefully ate a delicious Bagel at the WOC (from 12 am to 3 pm).

For a full list of my sources and even more Bagel knowledge: https://pad.mostlynerdless.de/s/8MqudkmgM

OpenJDK is the main project behind Java and already has a profiler for performance assessment. But till recently, it wasn't a good one. So four years ago, only weeks into my first job, I decided to change that. But guess what: Getting a big feature into OpenJDK/Java's runtime isn't as easy as I thought.

In this talk, I chronicle my journey of getting a new profiler into JDK 25. It's a tale of blood, sweat, and C++.